{"id":65,"date":"2025-06-19T09:40:43","date_gmt":"2025-06-19T06:40:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/?p=65"},"modified":"2025-06-19T09:40:43","modified_gmt":"2025-06-19T06:40:43","slug":"bayan-carkifelekin-kalbi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/?p=65","title":{"rendered":"Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in Kalbi\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in kalbi ile olan m\u00fcnasebeti, t\u00fcm \u00e7ocuklar gibi, kendinin \u2018kendi<\/em>\u2019 oldu\u011funun bilincine vard\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015flarda ba\u015flad\u0131. Kalbin kan pompalayan, herkesin yumru\u011fu kadar k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kasl\u0131 bir organ oldu\u011funu bilmeden \u00e7ok \u00f6nce. B\u00fcy\u00fcklerin c\u00fcmlelerinde s\u0131kl\u0131kla kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve tuhaf bir \u015fekille sembolize edilen k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 \u015fey\u2026 Ya\u015f\u0131 gere\u011fi en b\u00fcy\u00fck keyfi yeti\u015fkinleri taklit etmek olan \u00c7ark\u0131felek, do\u011fal olarak bu pek sevilen s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011fe kay\u0131ts\u0131z kalamad\u0131 ve konu\u015fmalar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131na serpi\u015ftirmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Etraf\u0131ndakiler, onun bu haliyle epey e\u011flense soyut kavramlardan ve imalardan bihaber oldu\u011fundan, d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 durumlar\u0131 da fark\u0131na varamad\u0131. \u00d6zellikle, b\u00fcy\u00fckannesinin s\u0131k\u00e7a kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u201ckalbine sor<\/em>\u201d c\u00fcmlesi favorisi oldu ve hemen her yere s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Bug\u00fcn parka gitmek ister misin?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Kalbine sor, b\u00fcy\u00fckanne!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tereciye tere satmak gibi\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcl\u00fc\u015fmeler\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ancak, \u201ckalp\u201d denilen \u015feyin g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcn\u00fcn ortas\u0131ndaki p\u0131rp\u0131rlama oldu\u011funun da fark\u0131ndayd\u0131. \u00d6fkelendi\u011finde, yasakl\u0131 \u015feyler yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ya da gece yata\u011f\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kan aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kapacak olan canavar\u0131 bekledi\u011finde tan\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015flard\u0131. En \u00e7ok da b\u00fcy\u00fckannesinin onun i\u00e7in yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 tatl\u0131y\u0131 ka\u015f\u0131klarken\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cKalbim;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tatl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ya da canavar\u0131n\u0131 bekleyen,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u0131rp\u0131r u\u00e7ak.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ya\u015fama kanatlanacak.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kalbin, herkesin yumru\u011fu kadar b\u00fcy\u00fck ve k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kasl\u0131 bir organ oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011frendi\u011finde ve sonraki y\u0131llarda \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in onunla olan ili\u015fkisi farkl\u0131 bir yola girdi. Soyut kavramlar\u0131 bilen, kullanan ve \u201cduygular\u201d denilen ke\u015ffinin i\u00e7ine bal\u0131klama atlayan bu kad\u0131n i\u00e7in kalbi evrenin merkeziydi. Bu sebepten, kendisini bekleyen t\u00fcm hazlar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir a\u00e7l\u0131kla tatmaya g\u00fcd\u00fclenmi\u015f kalbi bu kez p\u0131rp\u0131rlam\u0131yor, g\u00fcmb\u00fcrd\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/em>Kalbin, herkesin yumru\u011fu kadar b\u00fcy\u00fck ve k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kasl\u0131 bir organ oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011frendi\u011finde ve sonraki y\u0131llarda \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in onunla olan ili\u015fkisi farkl\u0131 bir yola girdi. Soyut kavramlar\u0131 bilen, kullanan ve \u201cduygular\u201d denilen ke\u015ffinin i\u00e7ine bal\u0131klama atlayan bu kad\u0131n i\u00e7in kalbi evrenin merkeziydi. Bu sebepten, kendisini bekleyen t\u00fcm hazlar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck bir a\u00e7l\u0131kla tatmaya g\u00fcd\u00fclenmi\u015f kalbi bu kez p\u0131rp\u0131rlam\u0131yor, g\u00fcmb\u00fcrd\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u015fte Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n bu kesitinde, g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc \u015fekilde bay\u0131r a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 yuvarlanan dev bir k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kas y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc ve ortal\u0131kta uzun y\u0131llar bu vaziyette dola\u015ft\u0131. Pek \u00f6v\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc mant\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve rasyonelli\u011fi ise ard\u0131ndan ko\u015farken epey bir zorland\u0131; \u00e7o\u011funlukla da yakalayamad\u0131. Bu ko\u015fturman\u0131n y\u00f6n\u00fc d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya ve gelece\u011fe d\u00f6n\u00fckt\u00fc. Ara s\u0131ra nostalji ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 da oldu ama \u00e7ok k\u0131sa s\u00fcrd\u00fc. D\u0131\u015f\u0131ndakiler; insanlar, olaylar, durumlar, olgular, mekanlar\u2026 Ve t\u00fcm bunlarda \u015fekil alan duygular; huzur, sevgi, \u00f6fke, h\u00fcz\u00fcn, korku, isyan, \u00f6zlem, nefret\u2026 Ve a\u015fk! Kalbini en \u00e7ok yoran, \u00f6te yandan a\u011f\u0131r bir m\u00fcptelal\u0131k yaratan\u2026 A\u015fk, neredeyse t\u00fcm duygular\u0131n, her defas\u0131nda farkl\u0131 oranlarda bile\u015fimi bir \u201ckokteyl\u201d olarak kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan, \u00c7ark\u0131felek onu di\u011ferleri gibi kolayca tan\u0131mlay\u0131p bir yere oturtamad\u0131. Ne oldu\u011fu ile ilgili ciltlerce kitap okudu, g\u00fcnler ve geceler boyu s\u00fcren tart\u0131\u015fmalara girdi. Ancak her defas\u0131nda yenilenen ve yeni bir formda kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na dikilen a\u015fk<\/em> onu zorluyordu. En sonunda pes ederek \u201ctan\u0131ms\u0131zl\u0131k<\/em>\u201d la tan\u0131mlamay\u0131 se\u00e7ti. Tahmin edersiniz ki, i\u015fin i\u00e7ine bir tan\u0131mlanamayan<\/em> ile yard\u0131mc\u0131 rolde \u201c\u00f6tekiler<\/em>\u201d girince, neredeyse sordu\u011fu t\u00fcm sorular da yan\u0131ts\u0131z kald\u0131. Durum b\u00f6yle olunca, kalbi defalarca rotas\u0131ndan sapt\u0131, sendeledi, yalpalad\u0131, d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131. Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek biraz yava\u015flad\u0131 m\u0131? Hay\u0131r! Art\u0131k tam bir m\u00fcptela olan kahraman\u0131m\u0131z, k\u0131sa bir k\u0131r\u0131k kalp onar\u0131m\u0131 k\u00fcr\u00fcnden sonra, kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kacak ilk kokteylin tad\u0131na bakmak i\u00e7in yeniden tabanlar\u0131 ya\u011flad\u0131. Duda\u011f\u0131nda lezzetini hissetti\u011fi her yudum ise zavall\u0131 kalbini g\u00fcmb\u00fcrdemenin \u00f6tesinde 70 lerin davul ritimleri gibi att\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026When the truth is found to be lies<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And all the joy within you dies<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t you want somebody to love?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t you need somebody to love?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wouldn\u2019t you love somebody to love?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You better find somebody to love\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu ritmin sarho\u015flu\u011funda uzun s\u00fcre devindi, durdu. Her nefesi kesildi\u011finde ise \u00e7ocukluktan kalma bir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131kla, b\u00fcy\u00fckannesine ko\u015ftu. Kalbini bildi\u011fi ve emin oldu\u011fu tek netlikte sa\u011faltmak i\u00e7in\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–Kalbim sorulara yan\u0131t vermiyor b\u00fcy\u00fckanne!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmelerden k\u0131sa bir zaman sonra Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek -tam da kendine yak\u0131\u015f\u0131r bir bi\u00e7imde- ani ve m\u00fcnasebetsiz bir olgunla\u015fma<\/em> deneyimi ya\u015fad\u0131. Nas\u0131l m\u0131? Bir sabah uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, her zaman oldu\u011fu gibi, yata\u011f\u0131ndan do\u011frularak aynada kendine bakt\u0131. Ve o anda, tam olarak nereden geldi\u011fini kestiremedi\u011fi bir i\u00e7 ses t\u00fcm benli\u011fini kaplad\u0131:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

–Buraya kadar, yoruldum!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130\u015fin ilgin\u00e7 taraf\u0131, bundan sonra ne yapmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini de bilerek uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 (oysa daha \u00f6nce bunun \u00fczerinde hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemi\u015fti) fark etti. Afallam\u0131\u015f kahraman\u0131m\u0131z aynada suretine bakakalm\u0131\u015f iken bir kez daha sars\u0131ld\u0131. Kalbinde ne \u00e7ocukluktan kalma bir p\u0131rp\u0131rlama ne de al\u0131\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011fu g\u00fcmb\u00fcrdeme vard\u0131. Sadece sezgisel bir ses. \u0130\u015fte o sabahtan itibaren \u00c7ark\u0131felek; herkesin kendi yumru\u011fu kadar, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kasl\u0131, yorulabilen ve bu nedenle ani bir \u00f6l\u00fcme sebebiyet verebilen bir organ\u0131 oldu\u011fu bilerek\u2026 Kendine yeni bir rota \u00e7izdi. Ko\u015fmadan, yuvarlanmadan, dingin, d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya de\u011fil kendine y\u00f6nelen bir rota. \u00c7ark\u0131felek in eskisi gibi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 fark edildi\u011finde, herkes bu beklenmedik de\u011fi\u015fime pek sevindi. Ailesi de gizliden gizliye derin bir \u201coh<\/em>\u201d \u00e7ekti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00fcy\u00fckannesi sadece g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Isolated hand drawn purple outline flower of passionflower, passiflora on pink violet watercolor spot. Print of curve lines<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Malum sabah\u0131n ard\u0131ndan Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek, ba\u015f\u0131na gelen bu tuhaf olay\u0131 sindirdi. K\u0131lavuz tayin etti\u011fi bu sezgisel sesi de -olduk\u00e7a gevezeydi- deneyimledi\u011fi birka\u00e7 olaydan sonra dinlemeyi al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k edindi. K\u0131sa s\u00fcrede \u00c7ark\u0131felek i\u00e7in sese kulak vermek, susad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda su i\u00e7mek kadar do\u011fal bir hale geldi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pek \u00f6v\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc mant\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve rasyonalitesi bu i\u015fe ne dedi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130lk ba\u015flarda tamamen geri plana at\u0131ld\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcler. Ancak, sesin \u00e7o\u011funlukla yan\u0131lmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce birlikte hareket etme karar\u0131 ald\u0131lar. Zaten, onlardan da bu beklenirdi! \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in pe\u015finden ko\u015fturmaktan bezmi\u015flerdi. B\u00f6ylesi daha iyiydi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ya sorular, duygular, a\u015fk?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu yeni ke\u015fif \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019e \u00e7ok \u015fey \u00f6\u011fretti. En ba\u015fta da her \u015feyi yanl\u0131\u015f anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u2026  Fark etti ki; her kalp sadece kendisi ile ilgili sorular\u0131 yan\u0131tlar, \u00f6tekileri<\/em> de\u011fil. O y\u00fczden, ba\u015fkalar\u0131na ait sorular\u0131 bir daha hi\u00e7 sormad\u0131. \u00dcstelik zaman ve mekandan da ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131zd\u0131. Onun i\u00e7in ge\u00e7mi\u015f ya da gelecek yok, sadece \u201can\u201d vard\u0131. Ve tek ger\u00e7e\u011fi tam da o \u201can<\/em>\u201d da oland\u0131. Ne olmu\u015f olan\u0131n tortusunu tutabilir ne de olmas\u0131 istenenin garantisini verebilirdi. Ya di\u011ferleri ile ili\u015fkisi? \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in onlardan istedikleri? Ses dedi ki;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBilmek i\u00e7in istedi\u011fini<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7\u0131karmal\u0131s\u0131n ara s\u0131ra<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cKendim\u201d dedi\u011fin giysiyi.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n anda<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hissetti\u011findir; istedi\u011fin<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ve de sadece kendin.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7ark\u0131felek, kendisine f\u0131s\u0131ldanan bu re\u00e7eteyi her yerde ve \u00f6zellikle de a\u015fk \u00fczerinde denedi. Sonu\u00e7 m\u00fckemmeldi. Zaten ba\u015f\u0131ndan bu yana yard\u0131mc\u0131 rolde olan \u201c\u00f6tekiler<\/em>\u201d silikle\u015fti. Onlar\u0131n sunduklar\u0131 da\u2026 Bu kez, \u00f6n\u00fcne konan her kokteyli tatmak yerine sadece kendi istedi\u011fini s\u00f6yledi ve kana kana i\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00fcy\u00fckanneye ne oldu?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Onu en son g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde zaman ve roller tepe taklak olmu\u015ftu. B\u00fcy\u00fckannenin kalbi, tatl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ya da canavar\u0131n\u0131 bekler gibiydi kanatland\u0131, kanatlanacak\u2026 \u00c7ark\u0131felek ise birazdan ona en sevdi\u011fi tatl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 haz\u0131rlayacak. Elini tuttu\u011funda b\u00fcy\u00fckannesi ilk kez sordu:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Beni seviyor musun?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Kalbine sor b\u00fcy\u00fckanne\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Kalbim g\u00fczel \u015feyler s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor \u00c7ark\u0131felek.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SS<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bayan \u00c7ark\u0131felek\u2019in kalbi ile olan m\u00fcnasebeti, t\u00fcm \u00e7ocuklar gibi, kendinin \u2018kendi\u2019 oldu\u011funun bilincine vard\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015flarda ba\u015flad\u0131. Kalbin kan pompalayan, herkesin yumru\u011fu kadar k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kasl\u0131 bir organ oldu\u011funu bilmeden \u00e7ok \u00f6nce. B\u00fcy\u00fcklerin c\u00fcmlelerinde s\u0131kl\u0131kla kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve tuhaf bir \u015fekille sembolize edilen k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 \u015fey\u2026 Ya\u015f\u0131 gere\u011fi en b\u00fcy\u00fck keyfi yeti\u015fkinleri taklit etmek olan \u00c7ark\u0131felek, do\u011fal olarak bu […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-65","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-denemeler"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=65"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":68,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65\/revisions\/68"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=65"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=65"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sentisaudade.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=65"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}